All We need to Know Today is Today



"Have y'all decided when you're going to move in?" This from the project manager of our painting company, who has become my new BFF, in regards to the house we bought last winter.
"Well, no, because it's just today. And all I know today is today."
He looked at me a little funny, and then I continued, "You see, I don't know the answer to that today. Today I just need to admire all these new white walls and white cabinets, but I definitely don't need to decide if we're moving in."

Did I mention he looked at me a little funny?

Today is just today, and when asked whether we are actually moving or not, I don't have that answer yet. We bought a new home last winter and promptly put ours on the market, thinking it would sell quickly. And yet now we've been the proud owners of two lovely homes in Fort Worth since February. The "new" home needs some interior paint and updates, so we're tackling those projects and looking at what makes the most sense from here on out.

Two homes = two lawns, two pest controls, two mortgages (!), two pool companies, two sets of water heaters and air conditioners and appliances to get to maintain... one of the biggest lessons I've learned this year is no home is meant to be kept show-worthy. Note to anyone reading this (and to my future self) ~ if you are living in your home and it's not currently on the market, please release yourself from keeping it show-worthy and pinterest-appointed and magazine-clean. I'm about to release myself of all those things and our home IS on the market! Embrace the clutter and piles that you and your family leave scattered throughout, it's a privilege not to have to keep things perfectly orderly and minimal.

In the midst of this transition, there's such a desire to know what's ahead. Goodness, lots and lots of decisions seem to hinge on that! But honestly if the Lord has whispered one concept over and over through 2018, it's been to stay in today, and rest in not knowing what's ahead. Just do today.

All we need to know today is today.

In the 45 times we've shown the house (for real, 45 times), when I battle "wasting my time," the Lord reminds me that I don't need to concern myself with the why. Or even with the end result. I need to concern myself with working hard and resting in HIS result. He has provided me time to clean and vacuum and skim the pool. And then He's provided more time to do it again. He continually provides energy, hope, motivation, laughter, and again, time - I just need to do my job and trust Him, even when it feels unproductive.

All we need to know today is today.

Obviously this is the theme of my year. I've literally written one other blog post in all of 2018, and it was titled, "Stay in the Moment." Yeesh.

If you walked through the day by my side, you'd hear my deep breathing in and out. Not quite a lion's-roar-breathing, but audible. I've warned my kids not to be worried, that my breathing is not frustration or anger, but it's the way my body involuntarily responds to layers of stress, good and bad stress ~ decision-making and processing and keeping up with all we Mommas get to keep up with. But I know myself well enough to know that when I'm driving around and can hear myself breathing in and out, it's definitely a "deep" season.

And it's not just home-related issues that remind me to "just do today."

Our commitments ~ these past couple of weeks, like most everyone, I've been entering upcoming school and church and sports events on our family calendar. I'm pretty sure most every evening between now and June 2019 has an event attached, and not only are the calendar days full but there are some stark, important conflicts. If you were sitting right here by me as I'm still adding events to my calendar, you'd hear my deep breaths in and out.

School ~ the big question that everyone seems to be asking our girls is if they're staying at their current schools. Since both boys moved themselves to Southwest Christian School during high school, naturally our friends are asking if Basden and Esther are staying in their public schools. The answer? Yes - for today! I wish, I wish I had a crystal ball that showed me what this year holds, but my Heavenly Father sees fit that I only get today.

Our kiddos ~ I find myself actively working towards gratitude and against worry. This is why I love keeping that ongoing gratitiude list - making a choice to give thanks for the good and the hard. If they weren't all teenagers I could write pages for EACH child and what I'm choosing to trust the Lord with - but they do have their own little lives and a certain right to privacy, so those things get to be listed in my journal and not here. But the point is, over the years now (thank you again, Ann Voskamp!) I've seen that choosing gratitude dissipates worry, even when my children keep giving me so many opportunities to trust and not know what tomorrow will bring!

Let's be reminded that when Jesus spent the afternoon on a crowded hillside, sharing his heart with people who were hungry for wisdom and comfort, he told them (commanded them) not to worry:
Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
More than 2000 years ago even JESUS knew that every single day is a "deep" day ~ deep enough for taking slow breaths in and out, deep enough to require mental gymnastics for figuring out groceries and meals and transportation for our families, deep enough for loads of decision making, and deep enough to hand over burdens for loved ones that we simply cannot carry or solve.

My favorite part about this passage is what comes before it - that our Heavenly Father knows our needs and that we are so valuable to Him (more valuable than the rest of his creation - the birds in the air or the lilies in the fields) that He knows and generously gives us what we need.

And here's the craziest thing about choosing all we need to know is today ~ it's a lot more restful and a lot more fun. Once that two-second decision is made to take a deep breath and not have to know, to not have to reign King (or Queen) over tomorrow, it opens up freedom and releases us from so many to-do lists and duties that may never even need to happen.

Rest. Breathe. Maybe even laugh.

And for the record, since I'm about to hit the "publish" button on this post, I'm about to get to really practice this. We'll likely list our current home back on the market after a little break, and you can think of me vacuuming and clearing clutter while taking deep breaths. And maybe meet me for coffee in between.

And at that point you can gently remind me ~ All we need to know is today!